23 May, 2012

Nothing Seems As Pretty as the Past, Though


My junior year is coming to a close…  now comes the summer in which I will hear countless “Well, what college are you planning on going to?” and “What’s your GPA?”  And I will grow tired and want to shoot every person who asks me that.  You’d think they’d know better, those adults.  Do you actually, honestly, genuinely think you’re the first adult to ask me what college I want to go to, or what I want to major in, or whether I want to “move far far away from your poor parents”?  I am glad for those who are genuinely interested, although sometimes I find myself getting huffy with them, too.  I can’t help it.

I had to write a personal essay, assessing how I’ve grown in my high school career and whether I think I’m ready for college.  One of the prompt questions was “Do you think you’re making better decisions than you had in adolescence?”  This got me thinking, how, as we grow up in high school, we’re constantly being reminded how we’re adults and we should start thinking and talking like adults.  This leads most of us to believe we know many things.  And when we’re told that we’re wrong, we get frustrated.

I’ve been reminded too often lately that I think I know it all.  And I know that I most likely come off that way to adults, mostly my parents, so I don’t argue—I simply respond with a “I know I don’t know it all.”

In my mind, I’m acting and thinking like an adult now, so what is it that I am possibly doing wrong?
This thought grew much too big in my mind, leading me to become paranoid—when will I know everything?  Will I ever get to the right amount of knowledge?  What happens to those who know less than those who know the most in life?  What do I need to know, then?  What have I been learning these past few years in school that have been completely useless?

Then I felt a severe panic attack coming on, so I went outside to tend my peonies, which are growing at a beautiful rate!

Also I would like to add this fantastic piece of fantastic:  The Great Gatsby trailer.  I cried when I saw the thumbnail, cried throughout (who decided what music should be played in the trailer, I can’t decided whether they should be promoted or fired), and cried when it ended.  Forward to 1:35 to hear the first “old sport” of many.  Oh God I am so excited.  One of my favorite books ever turned into what I hope will be one of my favorite movies.


  1. I love peonies! And don't worry about the amount of times you'll be asked that question of what do you want to do after school. I've been out of school since October last year and people are STILL asking me what I want to do!

    Isn't my two jobs and uni course enough? Anyway, I do hope you have a fair idea of what you want to do, thinking way ahead is always vital!


  2. Your peonies are AWESOME! I'm so impressed - I can't grow anything.

    I used to wonder when I'd "know everything" or just "enough" too, but my mom STILL schools me on stuff, so I've given up! I'm content with just learning as I go, haha.

  3. I have goosebumps!! I cannot wait for that movie to come out!!!!! Wait. More exclamation points needed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I feel better.

    Adults never stop asking what you're doing for college, even once you're there. Maybe they stop once you're done, I don't know. The funny thing is that most of the time they don't really listen, and ask you the same questions the next time you talk.

    1. Oh my goodness, I just threw my hands in the air and let out an exasperated yell in agreement because yes! I bet my aunt has asked me about six times already what I'm going to do after I graduate high school!

      I know too many adults.

    I've read the book, and seen the 1974 movie I believe it is.

    When I was a senior, I didn't have any classes, I worked as an office aide and got paid, and that was thequeation I got asked every freakin day...

    1. You got paid for being an office aid?!

  5. Haha, good luck with all those adult questions. Now that I think about it, I didn't really get many of those in my final year of high school because I avoid adults anyway. You peonies are looking great!

    I just finished reading The Great Gatsby in time for the trailer. I'm not sure how I felt about the book, but I'm looking forward to seeing this movie!

  6. Nooooo! I'm so dissapointed!? WHAT'S WITH THAT BLOODY MUSIC?! And why do I only see now that Baz Luhrman made this? And I was actually excited for the cast, but turns out I don't feel Carey Mulligan or Leo in this. I think only Tobey McGuire and the chap who plays Tom were actually good. Mehhh, I don't want to see it but I actually really do. *sigh*

    But anyhow, I totally feel you. I absolutely hate it when adults are asking you what college you go to and you just FEEL that they're just asking to ask it, and not because they actually want to know. Arrgghh. I always want to say really stupid things then, like "no I'm not planning to go to college. I want to join the circus, duh".

    This comment is getting too long, isn't it? But anyway, what college are you going to then? :p

    1. I want to so badly study abroad, in France!

  7. Can I just say that right now, I'm in your exact position? Adults forever asking me about plans for the future and university choices and what not, but I guess it's understandable because I finish school in six months. It doesn't mean that I don't get annoyed though.

    And sorry if I sound like a typical teen, but when I read the part about us thinking we know everything, I just thought "THIS". Because what you're saying is so true, even if us teens don't like to admit it.

    One last thing before I go: amen sister and bless this post.

  8. Yeah, all the 'serious adult questions' are annoying. Guess what? It gets even worse when you actually finish University. The pressure to find a respectable, well paying job, is horrible. People constantly ask if you have a job yet, where you're working etc. >.< Before I know it, the people I know will be getting married and having babies! aaah!!

  9. Thank-you for the comment lovely!
    I love the Great Gatsby I'm so excited about seeing the new one. I love your collar in the first picture as well.
    Lots of Love,

    Lily from Red Brick Lipstick

  10. I'm 25 and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up :P I think people have just stopped asking me.

    That movie looks great! I am a huge fan of Baz Luhrmann.

  11. I think you should sit back and take a moment to enjoy how far you have come!

    My friends and I all went to uni thinking we wanted to do one thing, and very few of the people I know are now doing what they first set out to do seven years ago - so there's definitely no shame in saying you don't know. Even if you do know, you're still definitely allowed to change your mind!

  12. You are one beautiful girl! :) the photo at the top of your blog is so lovely! those eyes... <3

  13. I hate to tell you this, but those annoying questions don't stop even after college/university, they only change. In my late twenties, I'm getting the 'when are you getting married/having children' questions. Sigh, because that's my sole purpose in life as a woman, right? I've just learnt to shrug off people's expectations of me, you have to live your own life - and you have to be allowed to not have an answer to those types of questions.

  14. kudos to the above comment.
    what kills me is, it really doesn't stop, a find that a lot of successful adults I know tend to ask me what my next step is...and ask me weekly mind you - it's not like they don't know already, they just want to hear about how it hasn't happened yet.
    Love, you'll figure it out when you're meant to, that's the freaking beauty of it, but congrats for now and freaking enjoy the brilliant age okay!!!
    so, i've been meaning to respond for a while and thought why not now before I crash. Sorry love, been full on and neglected ze blog space :(
    Sorry to disappoint you hon, but I actually do almost NOTHING with my hair.
    But, it was never always the case.
    Around your age, i died to have my friends flowing locks that bounced in to shape when they stepped out of the shower - or anywhere for that matter - I used any treatment, even those unintended for hair, all types of mousses sprays, I straightened the crap out of it too. My hair was exactly as you describe yours and I hated it!
    It's been almost two years that i decided to get the eff over how much having curly and frizz pissed me off and let it relax. It was too time consuming and I couldn't bare to cut the length.
    So now its been nearly a year since i've put a straightening iron to it, i don't mousse it any more, only use hair spray sparingly and leave in conditioner once a month.
    I don't even use conditioner often.
    also, i rinse with vinegar every now and then.
    point is, i do nothing, the frizz has settled heaps and I just let it do it's thing.
    I kind of hate hairdressers so even that's a no go, i practically trim it my self like once a year SHHHH!!!
    Oh eff this is long. Hope it helps love. tbh, your hair is the bomb, i wish I appreciated it at your age but seriously, when uni life, work, commitments take up the time you realise damaging your hair and time consuming with it are so not worth it! I'm sadly low maintenance :( but I've gotten used to it!
    big thanks for the comment as always, pleasure!
    big hugs xx

  15. Oh yes, I really need to write the same as Hila before me: I studied something that doesn't really lead to one specific job (I studied musicology, french and theatre) but I always knew I wanted to work in "the cultural sector" but even now, one year after graduating, I'm not sure what I want to focus on. I'm happy that nobody in my family is laying any pressure on me - and so far I can at least live from what I'm doing. And it makes me happy - and I think this is the most important thing: chose something for college that interests you and what you are passionate for - and you'll be happy during your studies and later in the job, you'll be happy too, no matter how much money you earn ;-)

    xxx Anita

  16. Love your pretty braid! Can't wait until my hair grows long enough for me to make one.

  17. Such a cute blog!! I love your braid, so lovely. I can't wait for the Great Gatsby to release too! Look so good. Thanks for sharing! X

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  18. Now following!! Hope we can follow each other. :)

  19. Good luck with the end of the year!


Thank you, pal.