01 May, 2012

The Things I Think About At Two O'clock in the Morning


It’s well past midnight and I can’t sleep.  I’ve been having random spastic moments where I jolt up in my bed, realize what I’ve done, and laugh, shaking my head as I think of a funny line that would go great on a dubbed narration if this were the movie of my life.

I’ll try to coherently type these things out as I ponder them.

“Holy crap, I really need to pee, but the bathroom’s the other side of the house, and I know I’m going to wake everyone up on the way.”

“Does this mean I have insomnia?  Am I now unpretentiously allowed to declare—oh, wait, no, I had that coffee right before I went to bed—who does that?  Who in the actual hell does that?”

“This is the third time I’ve replayed Madeline and it still hasn’t helped me drift to sleep.”

“Oh my God, I think I hear something outside my door.”

“I swear, I seriously need to pee.”

“If I turn on the light, then the whole neighborhood will wake up, I know it.”

Don’t look out the window, don’t look out the window.”

“It’s three thirty in the morning, I haven’t slept a wink, and I’m looking at Vanity Fair’s Who Was Drunkest Celebrity At The Vanity Fair Oscar After-Party slideshow.”

“If I go outside now I just know I know that some pale ghost is going to be there and because of my kind nature I won’t scream in order to not wake anybody up and the ghost will suck my soul out of my body and by then well I wouldn’t need to use the restroom to pee anymore now would I.”

It’s 4:34 and I’m calling it quits omg.

*   *   *   *   *   *

I don’t know if I should be worried or relieved that I don’t even remember falling asleep?  I’m kind of ashamed over that last one—I’ve never even liked “pee” jokes.  But I suppose this will help someone on their research on teenage girls + insomnia + coffee + heat + slowly debilitating social life.

Never going back again.


  1. Lol. I do the same thing about the bathroom thing. Even though the bathroom in my house is right outside my door. I'm just comfy, and dont wanna move lol. I think I have insomnia. I never go to bed til about 4-5 in the morning.

    1. I don't I could do it every night! And the bathroom in our house is on the OTHER side of the house, so I have to walk past the ghosts and demons hiding in the doorways ON THE WAY THERE.

  2. LOL!!! Yo me despierto siempre a la madrugada con ganas de ir al baño, pero a veces no quiero ir aunque tengo el baño en la habitación, y es que mi marido a esa hora está todavía despierto en el piso de abajo y si yo hago ruidos arriba el siempre piensa que entró alguien en la casa y tengo miedo que me de con el bate de baseball, lol, no, not really!! Pero si que me da pereza!!

    Girls that glitter love the dark

    1. Awww, que lindo que se preocupa! Pero ni te preocupes, tambien ni voy yo por flojera!

  3. I hate the time between getting into bed and falling asleep... so I hate having insomnia. I'm exactly the same as you if I need to use the bathroom once I've gotten into bed, even though mine's pretty close. Also I'm ALWAYS thinking of dubbed narration lines to go with my life, I'm obviously insane...

  4. I do the same, I always have my mind on overdrive when it's night time so sleeping becomes difficult! I always need the toilet too lol! I really like your blog, it would be nice if you could stop by my blog sometime too :) :)


  5. Ahahahah, you're funny. It's good that I haven't 'suffered' any insomnia since well.. a year or so. I love sleeping too much for that. :p

  6. Not being able to sleep is the absolute WORST. But if you need to pee, you need to pee (oh man, it's so bad when you're in the cinema!)

  7. Strangely enough, I can drink copious amounts of coffee before bed, and it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Maybe I've become immune to coffee or something.

  8. thank you for your lovely comment from a while ago! this post is awesome - don't we all suffer from insomnia sometimes? i know i do. way too often.



  9. okay, although this is the most random thing I have read all day,
    I kinda must say I love the blog even more for it
    I'm totally feeling your 'don't look out the window' mine is more a 'don't look AT the window' because I normally don't have my blinds entirely shut..god knows why when I feel like E.T's head is going to pop up any moment as say 'I'm Homeeee'



  10. Hahaha, this is hilarious! I think a lot of the same things!


Thank you, pal.