17 February, 2013

For The Morning After You Fell Asleep Crying


Recently I have cried a suffocating kind of crying three times and that number worries me but excites me as well.

I think any reminder that something mattered so much, you can't restrain your disappointment that it is gone, is beautiful.

I've noticed that I cry a lot.  I consider this, if I'll be honest with myself, a weakness.  I don't know if it's because I'm weak or if I just have an easily-moved heart.  I cry every time I hear Dreaming Of You by Selena.  I cried when Jess Aarons punched that bully after Leslie died in Bridge to Terabithia.  I cried when Ewan McGregor called his father-in-law in The Impossible (let's be real, I couldn't see, like, half the movie through my tears).  I sobbed one time when my friend told me I was special and it was actually kind of embarrassing.  I cry a lot.

The suffocating kind of cry that I'm talking about is really...  hurful, in a way.  I feel so sad about nothing in particular afterwards.  My head and my eyes always hurt.  I hate seeing myself in the mirror because I look weak.  It's the kind of crying where you can hear the tears coming out of you in a sort of bellowing fashion?  And you hunch over and you cover your face with your palms and you know there is snot all over them and you just imagine yourself in this corner of your world, and you know that someone out there is okay and doesn't have a reason to cry, and you wonder what your'e doing, heaving out your problems, and why won't anyone lightly knock at your door and place a comforting hand on your back?

I hope none of you experience that kind of crying.  And if you do, I hope the okay-ness comes sooner than later.

I kiss each of you on the top of the head.  Here's some Motrin.

LANA DEL REY | Pawn Shop Blues
BUTCH WALKER | Don't You Think Someone Should Take You Home
JANIS JAPLIN | Little Girl Blue
NICO | Eulogy to Lenny Bruce
BON IVER | Wash.
LYKKE LI | Time Flies
FIONA APPLE | Across the Universe
THE WHITE LIGHTS | A Place Where We Can Go
WILLIAM FITZSIMMONS | I Don't Feel It Anymore
SUFJAN STEVENS | All The Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands
BOB DYLAN | Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
THE KOOKS | Seaside
COEUR DE PIRATE | Someone to Watch Over Me
JOHNNY CASH | Redemption Day
CHET BAKER | I Get Along Without You Very Well
WILLIAM FITZSIMMONS | Goodmorning


17 comments :

  1. love love looooove your playlist!
    #NowPlaying

    ♥♥♥

    ReplyDelete
  2. I can't even explain how much this post resonates with me! I cry over nothing and everything at once. At the beautiful things and the heartbreaking things. There are times where all I can do is listen to songs that move me and sob for hours. It's hard, but definitely cathartic too. It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aw I recently saw the saddest and loveliest film ever (Amour) where I cried through the whole thing! Also I get emotional anytime I see something related to women's empowerment haha. I understand what it's like to be a little vulnerable at times but I think it's a good thing! It may not feel so great at the time but sometimes it does! :) Great list too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. unfortunately i too have experienced the suffocating kind of crying, luckily i have come out of that dark place for the time being but it is a horrible, scary place to be. sending lots of cyber love xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ah god, I cry a lot too, which isn't surprising, considering I have suffered a very emotionally painful life. I have definitely experienced the crying to point of suffocation. I remember at the end, I felt completely numb, my head felt like it was throbbing on the inside, it almost felt like I was about to have a stroke or something. Bad times.

    ReplyDelete
  6. sorry to hear that you've been so sad lately. as awful as it is to cry that deeply in i way i see it as a good thing because at least you are feeling something instead of nothing, and also without lows that are that low you have no measure for how good it is to feel okay again. or at least that's what i try and tell myself!

    littlehenrylee

    ReplyDelete
  7. I used to cry like that a lot a month ago, but I'm choosing joy instead of nostalgia taking over.I like this post.:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I've missed reading your blogs! Since your absence for sometime I never really got back at you, I'm sorry! But at least you're here again!! (Yay!)

    I must say that I know what you mean. But then especially when I am on my period. I have cried at masterchef, for real. This playlist looks rather promising!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Amazing post! Have a nice weekend:)

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    ReplyDelete
  10. Awesome post and thanks for sharing! Your posts are very entertaining!
    I really like your blog. Come by! We can follow each other on GFC, Bloglovin and Facebook ;)!

    That sounds like a lot, so I'll leave the links here to make it easy for you:
    Instant Milk link
    Facebook page link
    Bloglovin link

    Come by soon!
    xx

    ReplyDelete
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  14. don't think that you're weak because of that, you never need an excuse for your feelings! if that's how you feel than the easiest way to get to greener fields is to ride through it till it's over. And I easily cry too- even over sweet commercials =P

    xo Marlen
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  16. i'm a cry-baby myself. i have songs on my ipod i have to skip when i'm out to make sure i don't burst out in tears. and i have heaps of books with tear stains on the pages. i don't think it makes us weak, tho. i think this makes us emotionally strong, for we feel things that intensively.
    a while ago i had the same problem with my outbursts. just like that, i started crying not really knowing why. thinking about it i couldn't really figure out what it was that triggered such emotional outbursts, but as time went by they got less frequent. so don't worry. you'll be fine :)

    oh, and excellent taste in music!

    ReplyDelete
  17. i'm a cry-baby myself. i have songs on my ipod i have to skip when i'm out to make sure i don't burst out in tears. and i have heaps of books with tear stains on the pages. i don't think it makes us weak, tho. i think this makes us emotionally strong, for we feel things that intensively.
    a while ago i had the same problem with my outbursts. just like that, i started crying not really knowing why. thinking about it i couldn't really figure out what it was that triggered such emotional outbursts, but as time went by they got less frequent. so don't worry. you'll be fine :)

    oh, and excellent taste in music!

    ReplyDelete

Thank you, pal.