10 June, 2013

When You Were Young You Were The King of Carrot Flowers


I graduated from high school on the sixth of June, and I'm having a mild existential crisis about it, which I will try to soothe as the remainder of this post continues!

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was told junior year was going to be the most challenging.  When I was a junior, I was told that senior year was going to be a breeze, and most of the intense stress from junior year was going to be replaced with stressing about whether I was spending enough time with my friends before we all graduated.

This was a lie, and two days ago, High School Musical 3: Senior Year received a beating from my screaming at it while it streamed on Disney Channel.

Most of my junior year was spent stressing over whether I was preparing myself to be impressive enough for colleges, or whether I was developing good study habits to last me for the next five years of  my life.  Senior year was spent crying over college applications and getting the grade up just a couple decimals up to get it to the next letter grade.

Both years I spent hating myself because I was consciously aware of how bad I was frucking up my life, grades, and comfort levels, but in order to deal with my anxiety, I felt the need to put everything off so as to not to be in the midst of these things, which would, of course, end in more tears all over the place.

Now, it's summer again.  Last summer I started taking walks along my neighborhood.  I gave myself my own consent that I had "grown up".  I don't have to cry about many things anymore.  I am going to a college to study the thing I am most passionate in life in the city I have always dreamed of living in.

For now, I have the rest of the summer to dwell in this suburb.